Letters from Jenny

I've been going through some of Jen's old e-mails this week. It's hard to read them but also fun because it makes me feel closer to her. I've always been amazed and somewhat jealous of her writing ability and how she can make words speak to people so beautifully. She has always had such a writing talent.

I decided it would be fun to put some of those old e-mails on this web site so that people can get to know my sister better and see what a wonderful person she is. Although I am the oldest of us, I always felt that I had more to learn from Jen than she did from me.

The following is an excerpt from an e-mail dated April 11, 2006. It was written about 4 months after her diagnosis.

Hi everyone! I’m sorry I haven’t written for a while. Erin and I have been having a lot of fun with the sunny weather. Daylight Savings has been very beneficial to my mood, I’m sure it’s helped a lot of you out, too. My mom can’t wait to ride her bike in the mornings. She’s been working out at the gym. I can’t believe she wakes up at 5:00 every morning – I feel so lazy! Erin has been waking up at night. I think her internal clock get a little messed up with the time change.

Ernie didn’t have to work Saturday so he stayed home and cleaned out the garage (yea!). He said he didn’t realize what a pack rat he was becoming until he realized he was eventually either going to have to throw it away or move it. It’s so nice to have a 2 car garage again! The weather was so nice on Saturday. I opened the sliding glass door and Erin sat in the sun in front of the screen. I was sitting at the table and looked over at her. She was looking so angelic and peaceful and then she pulled up her shirt to reveal her belly button and said in a soft voice “Tickle? Tickle? Tickle?” Later in the afternoon we went to Farr West Elementary and flew kites on the field. Erin flew her own kite. She didn’t exactly understand the concept (she kept running after the kite, trying to catch it). Then she got tired of that and rolled around in the wet sand for a while. She was filthy! I think her Aunt Mindy would have had a heart attack if she had seen how dirty Erin was. Dallon is always very neat and respectable.

I’ve been thinking about an experience that I had while in Germany that I didn’t really understand at the time. I was in Erfurt at a street display at a place called “Anger” a wide open space where all of the trams met. Usually we would approach people as they were walking by. I used to say, “Hello, may I introduce myself?” (in German of course) and sometimes the person would wait long enough for me to tell them who I was before they would say, “no time” or “not interested” or “no need”. A lot of people in that part of Germany are atheist because of the communist teachings that religion was just “opium for the masses”. I once stopped a man who was short and a little stout (not like a tea pot). He was probably in his fifties, balding, with a gray beard and a kind face. I approached him and started the conversation. I asked him if he believed in God and we chatted. He asked why we (the missionaries) were all so happy and so we chatted awhile about Jesus Christ and redemption. Then he said to me, “I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I’m going to anyway. I’ve been out walking in the woods, thinking about life and death.” He then went on to tell me that he had recently been diagnosed with cancer and was going to have an operation the next day. He had been walking through the crowded pedestrian area when I stopped him. He told me that talking to me was like talking to someone he had known for a hundred years. He said he could tell that I spoke from my heart. We talked a little longer, and I don’t know if I’ve felt the spirit so strong before. As he was leaving, he told me there are people in your life that you only meet briefly but you never forget, he told me I was one of those people to him. I wanted to break down into a long hard sob right there. I knew that I had been a tool in God’s hands that day and that He directed me and guided me in giving comfort to this man. As someone who now walks the path he was walking, I understand how much a conversation like that would have meant to me under similar circumstances. Stephen R. Covey wrote that we are all tools in the Lord’s hands. Maybe you’re a saw and he needs a hammer, but if you keep your saw sharpened, when he needs a saw, you’ll be ready.

I found a quote that my first mission companion in Germany used to share with me by Harold B. Lee, “You must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you.” That’s such a simple concept, but so spiritually powerful. We need to trust in God that if we just step into the darkness of the unknown, our eyes will adjust and we’ll be able to see the light before us. This is the picture I had in my journal underneath that quote. That’s me walking into the “darkness.”
This is another picture that I found in an Ensign in my last apartment on my mission. I didn’t write down the artist’s name, but the title of the piece is “The Initial Act” which reminds me of the story about a boy in Ireland who had been climbing on some rocks with his friends. The boy climbed down to a ledge and realized he could not climb back up. His friends ran and brought the boy’s father back, by which time it had become dark. The boy’s father called to him and told him to jump that he would catch him. The boy looked down and could hear his father’s voice but he could not see him. Again his father called out and told the son that he could see him and that he would catch him. The boy held his breath and jumped into the darkness only to be enveloped in the arms of his father who caught him without incident.

I feel like I’m learning a lot about trust right now. I put my whole trust in Him and know He lives and loves all of us. He understands our triumphs and our struggles and He is always there for us if we just have enough faith to accept Him into our lives.

Well, thanks for reading today! I am enjoying life! I’m feeling good and the new baby is doing well, too. She’s due May 29th for those who maybe want to know.

Jen