Jenny is doing about the same as she was last week. Mom says she's pretty aware of things. When I was there visiting her she was still Jenny. She wasn't the "same" Jenny but little things let me know she was there. When I would make sarcastic remarks and she was the only one in the room she smiled. A couple of nights when my Mom and I were putting her to bed, Jen would laugh out loud, probably because I stink at helping. It was a laugh that was short and simple, but thoroughly Jenny. It still rings in my ear like a clear bell. I just have to think about it and I feel her close by. It's funny how a laugh so individualistic can make others remember better times. For Jenny, her laugh was her trademark.

Some more of her e-mails I thought you'd like to hear. This one was dated October 30, 2006. This one talks about my mom and dad a little bit. Their pictures are included. My mom is going to be unhappy about this but too bad! She has been so inspiring and unfailing in all this mess. She takes care of Jenny without a thought to herself. She has taken on so many hats and I am so proud of her and I wanted her to know that and to tell her we all love her so much.


I was thinking about my dad and how he once taught us an important lesson about gratitude. I was pretty young when this happened, but my dad was still farming back then. As a farmer, he was “obsessed” with the weather. Even when he was home he’d always be checking the weather out the window. An early frost can destroy an entire crop and a sudden change in the weather could be extremely stressful. We said a prayer as a family every morning around the coffee table in the front room. I was still in my pajamas because I don’t think I was in school yet. My dad walked in the door (he had already been up) and looked really stressed. It had been a cold night and he was worried about the crops. We knelt as a family and my dad asked that the crops would be okay. The other kids went to school and me and my little sister stayed home. My dad walked in later. He had just examined the crops on part of the farm and they were frosted over. I’m sure he was stressed and upset, but do you know what he did? He knelt down with us again and he thanked Heavenly Father for all that we had. When my dad came back in at lunchtime, he told my mom that the crops on the other part of the farm had been spared from the frost. My mom tells the story much better, I was pretty young at the time, but I’m really thankful that my dad taught us to be grateful for what we have, even when things seem bad.

Yesterday was my 30th birthday. Ernie took the day off of work (which is a really big deal for him). We went to breakfast at Jeremiah’s and then we came home so Erin could have a nap (and Ernie, too). My mom met us around noon and we drove down to Thanksgiving Point to see the tulips and let Erin play in the children’s garden. The first thing that happened was Erin stepped in a puddle up to her ankles. The water was murky and full of leaves and moss, but she didn’t seem to mind. Ernie lifted her out of the puddle, but she just kept trying to get back in. I was also walking with Erin, holding one hand with my mom holding Erin’s other hand when I looked down at the sidewalk and saw a snake at my feet. Besides the fact that I was wearing flip flops (hey, I’m nine months pregnant, I’ll wear what I want), I really don’t like snakes. I think I screamed jumped about six feet in the air, Erin tried to go after it and my mom stopped her. Last night we had a party with hamburgers and cake and ice cream. My family came and I thought it was a lot of fun. I don’t think I’ve had a birthday cake for a few years, but I made one this year. You only turn 30 once – well, you know what I mean.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the spirit of healing. My dad spoke of it once during a priesthood blessing. I’ve thought a lot about spiritual healing, too. When I was first diagnosed, I was devastated and searching wildly for answers. I allowed my heart to fill with doubt and fear at times. I turned to the world for hope and found none. I turned to the Lord and was cradled in the arms of His love, remembering the words He spoke to his disciples, “My peace I leave with you. . .” I then realized that only through him would I feel the calmness I once knew. Only through Him do I have Eternal Hope. Only He can know exactly what I am feeling, and send the right people to comfort me at the right time. Carol Lynn Pearson, a poet that my mom really liked when I was growing up (and I “borrowed” her books) writes a poem about spiritual healing:

THE HEALING

A bird
Once broken
Can never fly,
They say,
Quite so high
Again.

Perhaps.

But as for me,
Now desperately
In need of mending,
I have a healer
Who would restore
These foolish wings
Without a scar.

I will lie quiet
Beneath His touch
I will listen
As He whispers,
“Rise
And fall no more.”

And then –
Then I shall
Soar.

I am thankful for the smell of a blossoming cherry tree, for a tiny being growing inside me, for a blue-eyed little girl who is so excited to see me every morning, and for those moments when she wakes up in the night and she wants a snuggle. I am thankful for a husband who still holds my hand in the car, and for his 3:00 break time when Erin and I go visit him at work. I’m thankful for friends that took me to lunch and bought me a pedicure (I actually got gift certificates for three pedicures! You think they’re trying to tell me something?). I’m thankful for root beer popsicles, for a friend that flew all the way from Wisconsin to visit me, for my mom who took off of work to spend time with me on my birthday, for my dad for always being so nice to me, and for the moment between daylight and twilight – the “magic hour” (the best time to kill dragons). I’m thankful for Jesus Christ and His loving example and I wish I could be so much more like Him, but I’m thankful that He loves me even though I’m not perfect.

Love,
Jen